The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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