youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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