after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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