dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
