she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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