I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
