I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
