omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
