i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
