I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
