She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
