WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
