That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
