Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
