sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
