He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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