Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
