Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
