I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
