People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
