you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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