they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize