So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
