Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
4 words: hood of his car
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am naked and annoyed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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