cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
