cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
