so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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