OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
