can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
