My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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