her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
