Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
