dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
