Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
