I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize