woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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