I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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