id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
