It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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