my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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