saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
