you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize