My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
