We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
