Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
