you guys were way drunker than both of me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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