I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
