i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
