We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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