I want to have your abortion
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
