I didn't shave. On purpose
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
