bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
