I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
