people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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