I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
