that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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