yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
