Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
