YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
