(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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