Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A bitchslap is in order.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
