Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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