That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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