True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
smell my finger.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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