He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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