so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
