ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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