Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
