I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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